Heartbreak Hotel

Since he left Adele’s someone like you has become your favourite song, probably on permanent repeat on your playlist. Since she left you have been singing that Boyz II Men’s song ‘doing just fine’.

The heart break hotel is surely not a nice place to be. The food here is tasteless, it doesn’t matter if you have got a good bed because you still have sleepless nights, sentences become empty, words are just letters, movies are just pictures and voices are unwanted noise. The toilet paper is finished not because it isn’t enough or you have a bad case of dysentery but because of the many tears you have shed. Nothing really makes sense in this hotel.

You trust no man that says the three words to you ‘I love you’ and you trust no woman who cares too much. It could have been 1 heart break or a series of bad relationships. Love has dealt you heavy blows and left a sour taste in your mouth. Now you are hemorrhaging from your heart. Your heart is shattered beyond repairs or so you think. You have been asking yourself; how, do I start all over again? We were perfect or so you thought.

Six months after, your life’s philosophy is based on your past experiences. You have made the resolve to look better and improve on yourself. Your prayer is for your ex to see you and realize how much he made a mistake by leaving you. Then you will have the opportunity to tell her that it’s too late. So you think? Well, sadly a lot of people wish or pray for bad things to happen their EXs because of the pains they had been through but unfortunately it does not happen all the time. You may never get that opportunity for you to make your EX feel bad because they left you.

He broke your heart, she broke your heart, I broke your heart…and so? It may have been the first time and it may not be the last time. You aren’t the first neither will you be the last. I really don’t mean to sound this mean but truth is while we seek self improvement to make someone feel bad or jealous, it creates a heavy burden in our hearts and puts us under unnecessary pressure. Nothing wrong with aiming for success, in fact aim for the zenith of all your endeavours but do it because it’s a necessity to succeed in life and not a point to prove.

Free your mind of every grudge against your ex, forgiveness is key here. You will turn out happy and will meet new people and actually find out that hey! He/she was not the best thing that happened to you after all. Then time will heal all wounds only if you allow it to. Adele practically sang her album titled 21 from emotions from her heart break and it was a major success thats because her emotions were channeled to music not necessarily to get back at anyone but to express herself. Do not do the right things for the wrong reasons. Become a better person because you have to. Sometimes the reason for the heart break is evident when you know you have to work on certain areas of your life. Pick up the pieces and move as every man is a work in progress and trust me, time will tell if you have learned a lesson from it and have become a better man or you are living each day to prove why he/she shouldn’t have left you. Heart breaks only make you a stronger person if you choose to be. 

2011 cars

The new BMW M5 (Expected November 2011)

Officially it is still a concept car but hopefully should come to life this year.The last M5 had a V10, but that’s gone, replaced by a 4.4-litre twin-turbo V8, similar to the engine found in the X5M. So it’s torquier than the outgoing version, but the engineers say it also revs high. It should do 0-62mph(0-100kph) in just four and half seconds. Just imagine, counting to four and its already clocked a hundred. 

Dont get confused with the BMW 5 series and the M5. They look the same but their engines are different. The M5 is a preformance version of the 5 series i.e it is faster and made for speed.


Range Rover Evoque(Debuted March 2011)

This is probably Land Rover's answer to the BMW X3, Audi Q5. It is also the smallest of all the Range Rover series. A 3 door and a 5 door edition is expected, it comes in 3 different models-

Pure- which has a clean interior feel- all neutral colours and semi-scando Ikea vibes

Prestige- the luxury pack of them all. It includes enhanced exterior bits, 19s and more chrome, with proper wood and metal finishes on the inside.

Dynamic- has aggressive bespoke sills, grilles, pipes and bumpers, 20s and a sporting leather interior.

Lets hope this works off road like its older brothers unlike the BMW X3 and X6 that do not particularly do well off road. 

Mercedes Benz C63 AMG coupe unveiled (March 2011)

Jeremy Clarkson described the 4 door saloon as a thug in a silk dress. What he actually meant was dont be fooled by the cool demeanor of its looks. It will tear apart any beautifully paved road in a mind boggling time. This car may be one of the definations of cool but on the inside its a raging bull. It will do 0-60mph(0-100kph) in 4.5 seconds. 6.2 litre V8 with sport suspension. with the two rear doors gone it should handle better.

References Top gear magazine and www.topgear.com/uk

Poetry never made sense...Cant leave rap alone!

For me what makes James Bond movies different from all other action movies is in the details, not the plot or the action itself. It is the kind of liquor he drinks, the kind of clothes he wears, the cars he drives, the women he is involved with, the gadgets he is disposed to and the wit in his conversations. He is a master of contradictions and metaphors. He is a gentleman with a license to kill.

….Hold on! I thought this piece was about RAP? Yes, it is. Metaphorically speaking James Bond Movies are like a good rap song. Take out all the details I mentioned earlier on; the drinks, the women, the cars, the gadgets and his witty tongue and all you have is just another action movie not a James Bond movie. Now, take out all the rhymes, metaphors, similes, paradoxes, intellect, punchlines and banging beats and all you have is musical noise.

The truth is that my poetry and even my writing skills have been influenced by this genre of music called RAP. Poetry never made sense to me till I stumbled upon rap music in my junior class secondary school. Even at the time poetry was far from my interest but I was falling deep into rap music. Poetry was plain boring to me and I couldn’t understand why people will write to confuse me but then a again after listening to good rap music I started learning the rudiments of good rap music. I didn’t care about the beat, I was ok with nodding my head. All I cared to do was listen for the punchlines, the metaphors, the similes, the analogies and every other essential of a good rap song. In essence everything I know about poetry I learnt from RAP music.

Some people call it Rhythm And Poetry, some call it Rhytmatically Applied Poetry whatever it is and it was I fell in love with it. For me, rap music is like what drugs will do to a junkie, it’s like what therapy will to do a restless mind, its like what massage will do to a tensed muscle. I listen to good rap and I smile to myself, it literally blows my mind. According to a friend of mine, she says its like salvation to her. Every rhyme means something different to different minds. There is an epiphany in every line that is understood.

Every good rapper is an intellect, he speaks in cipher for other like minds to interpret. He knows how to turn your mind into a canvass where he paints his words, that is why he is not just an artiste; he is a rap artist (artiste). It takes thought to put words together that rhyme and make sense at the same time but unfortunately the order of the day is people who don’t have a proper orientation of what a good rap song is come to misrepresent rap. It is not about the clothes, the tattoos and the attitude. Its about the lyrical content, the message being passed across with every rhyme in every line of the song, the intelligence behind the crafting of words to suit the beat of the song and also work the imagination of the listener. Anyone who knows what good rap is often critical about the lyrics and messages of any other genre of music. Like I said in the beginning, take away all the rudiments of rap music and it becomes noise.

As I grew older, I thought I was going outgrow rap but no way, the love is still as it first was with no space for mediocrity for the art form I love so much. Like my dad has a huge record collection of Jim Reeves, Frank Sinatra, Grover Washington, Louis Armstrong and the likes, he would often tell me this what we used to listen to in those days. I also want to show my kids Notorious B.I.G, Tupac, A tribe called quest, Jay-z, Nas, Talib Kweli, Common,Mos def, Mode 9 and MI albums and tell them, this is what we used to listen to in those days. It may not make much sense to them because they may find the music of their generation more interesting but I’ll do it with pride because I listened to intellectuals who used their words to influence me. I am a poet and a writer today because I listen to rap music and the love I have for it is Deeper than rap…Can’t leave rap alone.

*Cant leave rap alone- Izzo by Jay-Z

*Deeper than rap- Album title by Rick Ross.

1005% Human Hair (The beautiful ones are not yet born)

Whoever said the beautiful ones are not yet born? Well, the dude definitely did not live in the twenty first century. This decade has come with a large number of hotties not just in America but all over the world. With the likes of Beyonce, Rihanna, Gisele even our own Agbani Darego…I beg to differ that the beautiful ones are not yet born. But all the people I mentioned are all stars and we all know how much time and money goes into their looks. The beautiful ones I am really talking about are the girls next door, the girl that sits next to you in the bus or in class or in the cinema. Yes they are the beautiful ones, if you do not have a grip on yourself as a man you are bound to get confused, especially in places like the mall where you’ll almost become an owl. For your information owls are the only creatures that can turn their heads three hundred and sixty degrees, if you try this you’re not far from a whip lash!

Yeah! Yeah!! Yeah!!! The average female these days is a hottie but this could not be achieved without technology. Yes, you read it right…technology. With the invention of advanced makeup brandslike Mary Kay, Sleek, Mac, Black Opal, Fashion Fair even our own Orekelewa should not be left out, a hundred percent human hair that costs from about thirty grand to the price of a small second hand car, artificial nails and eye lashes, the ones that can afford it go for cosmetic surgey. There is absolutely no redeeming excuse for you not to be presentable. But sadly, all these things don’t make much difference to some babes, the likes of Estelle; I won’t mention more names here but look around you. Your neighbours, your colleagues, in the malls again and you’ll be surprised that for some girls no matter how hard they try to hide it, it doesn’t change much; It’s in the DNA. It’s really difficult to know who the truly beautiful ones are these days but I believe they have been born. Before I go on, it puzzles me when I hear women talk about getting a hundred percent human hair and I’m asking myself, isn’t their natural hair human enough? They begin to give me reason to insinuate that the hair on their head is some sort of artificial suede or fibre.

Here is one test to see a woman’s true looks. Friday night give her your phone, wallet or any item that is of value to you. On purpose make sure she forgets you gave her, so she can take it home. Saturday morning, you have a genuine excuse to knock on her door by 6a.m, make sure you do not call! At this time most women have not had their baths and are probably still in bed since it’s a Saturday. Therefore, no makeup, if possible no wig and there you go (please do not try it if she stays with her parents, they may just send the dogs after you). Makeup and weaves cover whole lot but they don’t cover all. That test may not give you all you need but it gives an idea of who the woman behind the mask is.

Forget all my previous yapping, I believe a woman’s true beauty is her character not her physical appearance because character is what keeps any man staying with a woman, I must also recognize the fact that, all the makeup and human hair that women put on to look beautiful not all the time but in some ways is because of us men. But sadly, we choose not to notice. Instead of appreciating them and telling them how good they look after spending a whole lot of money and time, we just look without saying anything. If it’s the hair, make a compliment and please be honest and remember the motive is not to get her phone number but just an honest compliment will do. Guys, it could be your wife, your mother, your girlfriend, your sister, your colleague or even any random girl. A compliment won’t hurt; you may just make someone’s day.   

Lagos...Centre of Excellent Traffic

Lagos the commercial nerve centre of Nigeria or the centre of excellence as its plate numbers state. Lagos, famous for its diversity of people, restaurants, cars, clubs, boats. Infamous for its filth, area boys and noise. If you can make it in Lagos, you can make it anywhere in the world, so they say. The night life is wonderful, from under the bridge in Obalende to the top night clubs in Ikoyi and Victoria Island, from the surroundings of the Atlantic Ocean to the slums of the mainland. It is a city that never goes to sleep. Sleeping is relative to people because when some are going to bed some are just starting the day and I can categorically say that in Lagos some people are actually nocturnal, owls and bats are still learning how to operate at night compared to these guys.


Most Youth Corpers want to serve in Lagos because of its boundless opportunities; many come to Lagos and never want to leave. Lagos is a hustler’s dream come true. This is where the young executives want to be and mingle. They say there is a particular attitude a Lagosian has, most people that live in the city of Lagos take pride in the fact that they live in Lagos. Gidi, Las Gidi as some call it.

I can go on and on with all the talk about Lagos but the one thing that baffles me the most about Lagos is not the people or the buildings or the places but it is the notorious traffic that keeps me wondering. The traffic here is phenomenal. Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear said the traffic in Lagos can be attributed to evil spirits and I really do not doubt him because when you get to the end of the traffic and you don’t see anything that is causing it. Sometimes it’s the police, sometimes it’s the bad roads, sometimes it’s a broken down vehicle, sometimes its two idiots that have bashed their cars because one thinks he is James Bond, while the other thinks he is Jason Bourne and can maneuver through any tight angle, sometimes it could be a flood (for this reason, I have a set of paddles in the car to row when I can’t drive) and most times it is just nothing causing the traffic. I was in Port-Harcourt recently and I happened to drive during the peak period, not that there wasn’t traffic but compared to where I was coming from it was child’s play. God bless you if you drive a car without an air conditioner that also has a manual transmission gear in Lagos, if you fall into that category then you need three essential things- a good handkerchief preferably a hand towel, a cold bottle of water and sunglasses. If you don’t have any of them don’t worry, you can buy them in traffic. You need them because the heat and fumes from danfo buses and trailers are not a nice combo. Michael Angelo, the famous Italian painter said after painting the Sistine Chapel, he became twice his age over a period of about 4 years. I have become almost twice my age after driving in Lagos for over a year, one of the signs is that my hair line is receding faster than it should.

Now here is the most interesting part of it you have to leave home really early like you are like you are travelling by road to the northern most or eastern part of the country. If you don’t leave home in some cases before 6a.m forget about getting to work early and be ready for a query from your boss. People actually leave home at ungodly hours in Lagos (4.30a.m). Wait!!!………it doesn’t end there o! After a hard day day’s work you think the roads will be free? You’re a joker for thinking that, you’ll give Basket mouth a run for his money. Returning from work could be even worse than going to work. So what do you do? You stay back in the office to pass time. You continue working like you love the job so much, your boss passes by your cubicle or office and in his mind he is like ‘this dude works very hard, he even gives extra hours to the job plus the fact that he is always the first to get to work’. He even talks about your punctuality and the overtime you put in the job at the next departmental meeting and encourages your other colleagues to do the same. After that meeting your colleagues warn you not to stay that long in the office because they know your secret. Therefore, you join them in hanging out at a local bar that sells good fresh fish pepper soup or isi-ewu and with cold drinks or watch a movie at the cinema, good if it’s a champions league night cos instead of rushing home you hit a viewing centre to watch Arsenal and Real Madrid make a fool of themselves. All these activities come up because you want to escape traffic and what does this leave you with? Firstly, you go home at an ungodly hour, secondly for those that get carried away in the moment drink more than their limit, so inevitably they go home in stupor and we all know a hangover on a work night is not good and lastly don’t forget you have to wake up at another ungodly hour without proper rest to go to work.

With the traffic also comes another group of people that work according to where the traffic is. They move like nomads seeking green pasture, like vultures seeking carcass; if you want the best traffic reports, get the phone number of any random sausage roll (gala) hawker on any of your routes home and he’ll tell where the traffic is. These traffic hawkers move with per second accuracy.

The lists of the things you can buy in Lagos traffic are endless. From newspapers to magazines, from a complete tool kit set to knives, from sausages to cashew nuts, from wristwatches to handkerchiefs and underwear, from brooms to mops, from shoe polish to make up kits for women, from puppies with their kernels to rat poison, from cds to audio tapes(yes, audio tapes{radio cassette}. Who still uses them? But I still see them in traffic), from chewing sticks to tooth picks. In fact myth has it that you can even cook a pot of soup in traffic because all you need is in the traffic plus time for the food to get done.

I must say these hawkers are the real heroes of Lagos, you don’t know the countless lives they have saved from hunger and thirst in the heat of the Lagos afternoon traffic. My life is a testimony, not to mention the rechargeable lamp I bought recently and the fake Tag Heuer watch I bought in traffic, which of course stopped working a few minutes after I bought it and the watch guy had already disappeared to thin air. These days I don’t complain about the traffic, I just take it easy and enjoy the guys on radio cos that’s like the only time I listen to radio these days, anytime I get home is fine. Lagos……

Lemme have ur PIN

RIM the makers of Blackberry will tell you it is business solution. I personally call it the all time communicating device. What many do not understand about this device is that while other phones are phones, a Blackberry is not phone…. It is a Blackberry. What I mean is this; while other phones are built to make and receive calls where any other feature is an accessory. With the Blackberry calling and receiving calls is one of the things it can do. The Blackberry is designed to always keep you abreast of any info. This because you get your e-mail in real time, you’re on the internet 24/7 and you gossip on the notorious Blackberry messenger.


I choose to describe the Blackberry in this way; Jason Derullo is a star but Michael Jackson is a superstar, a Toyota is car but a Ferrari is a supercar, Motorola and Samsung (some Nokias too) are phones but Blackberry is a super phone. Now you get the picture……. (RIM should pay me for this). This device has been nicknamed the crackberry because of people’s addiction to it, some of the addiction signs include driving and chatting, going to the toilet with your BB, BB in on hand and stirring the pot of soup on the fire, constant low battery, headaches and aching thumbs. Long and short of it, you find it hard to drop it. I claim not to be too addicted but my girlfriend says that my BB is my first girlfriend and she is number two. I believe they both seem content with the positions they occupy in my life, I mean my BB and my GF. I am guilty of some of the things I’ve written below and above, so please fellow BB users no offense.

Well, to cut the long story short, I am writing this piece because the Blackberry presently is rather overhyped as some people say which is true to an extent for those who don’t know its purposes. I have witnessed a lot of abuse to the device and it is rather annoying. Some people see it as a social status symbol, like if you don’t have one you don’t belong….bollocks to that notion. Can I have your PIN? Please lemme have your PIN have become common statements and comments from people you barely know. Nothing wrong with making new friends but please don’t become my friend because of BB. There is nothing as annoying when you’re talking with someone and the person is being distracted because of the BB’s messenger or a notification on facebook that the person has to respond to. The Blackberry then becomes like a baby wanting constant attention or like a girl with low self esteem that wants to be reassured she is fine all the time. This I say because on BB you receive texts, e-mails, calls, facebook notifications, BB messages, yahoo messenger, at the end of the month you have to pay for your BIS subscription, you have to charge your phone often because of constant use in chatting. At every point in time the BB wants you clutching it and starring at it for one reason or the other. All these could be sometimes overwhelming. The secret to what broke the camel’s back was not that last straw but the million other straws underneath it. Yes, let me share what made me really write this piece. A friend of my got invited for an all BB party where none of them in attendance had met themselves, they were all members of a group on BB messenger. My friend happened to be the only one without a BB; the BB in fact was like your invitation. So my friend and her friend’s friends all get to the venue of the get together to meet for the first time and after introductions were made these……hold on, I’m still looking for the adjective to describe them but these people start chatting. No, no, no, not with their mouths but with their Blackberries!!! My friend got mad and left not out of jealousy but out of anger. I felt the same way when I heard it too. The whole idea was absurd. Every time I think about it, I get upset and ask how vain can people be? What happened to your good old mouth that has been there with you from the day you were born? Very soon married couples would stop talking in bed and only communicate with the BB messenger.

If you’re guilty of this kind of crime, yes! I call it a crime, you should be flogged on national TV and I owe you no apology. All the other blackberry sins may be forgive able not this one. There is a big difference between tech savvy and tech stupid. I personally know that the remarkable device called a Blackberry has a lot to offer but being vain and ridiculous is not amongst them.